Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
