Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
