"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
