and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
