Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
