I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
