well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize