First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
