At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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