So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
