Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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