first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
