This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
