i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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