I haven't been this sober since birth.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
