Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
