do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
