yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
