OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
