he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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