so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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