My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
