Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
