did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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