She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
