he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
