New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
