he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know her cup size but not her name....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
