I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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