I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
