Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
