I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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