"it" just moved
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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