miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize