this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize