i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a search helicopter?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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