I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize