I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
