im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
