apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
