no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
