I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
