idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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