my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize