I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
