i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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