Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
