I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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