I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
