the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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