both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
