Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
