Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
