so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
