Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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