I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
