My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So apparently I’m into choking now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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