Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
