Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
