Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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