i can't believe i had my finger in that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
