thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
4 words: hood of his car
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
