The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
