as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
