Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
