So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
